Feedback and Reflection
FEEDBACK
(Photos by micky renders)
I realized long ago that I do my best work when I let go of the outcome of my efforts, keeping my ego in check. This detachment helps me in many ways, as I avoid some of the frustration and disappointment I experienced early in my career. Being a non-linear creative thinker, I don’t believe there is only one outcome to any activity or that I know what that outcome should be. Meditation and mindfulness are practices of letting go of judgment and expectations.
My goal is to be as invisible as possible in this transformation and learning process. Recognition has a relationship with power and privilege (hooks 2015). I hope the people I work with feel in control, receive the attention they want or need, and are acknowledged for their efforts. I have learned to focus on projects based on mutual respect. I infuse and encourage discourse about issues, and let students lead (even if my hand is still there, gently holding theirs.) I work hard in the background so that everything has the best chance of working out well. I accept criticism if there is any. The reward is in the work, and in the relationships established.
Nonetheless, I really appreciate the support I have received over the years, from students, parents, colleagues, and community members.
REFLECTION
My journey of reflection in creating this portfolio will impact my future work. This portfolio offered me an opportunity to consider what I do, what I have done, and what I have learned and to reflect deeply on how my beliefs, intentions, and actions align with each other.
Everyone I have become involved with has inspired or forced me to learn about complex social and environmental issues, pushing for new ways to engage and empower folks at the grassroots level. I operate under the idea that eco-feminist thinking could enhance all our lives. Yet, no role model or community exists to share in this discussion. What I do is experimental, messy, and unpredictable - making it somewhat risky. The media, technologies, and materials I use require research, practice and proficiency. I Love and passion for art-making fuel the experience. I nurture a community of mutual respect, and we work with topics generated by common interests.
I have made many mistakes and am still learning. I often find myself needing more time and resources. These projects go far beyond the scope of my full-time job – but I am grateful to have a good amount of energy and a knack for getting funding. (Luckily I am also resourceful and good at creative problem-solving when I don't have much to work with.) I have discovered the need to be flexible and spontaneous working with people who have experienced a lot of trauma. As an artist and meditator, I work best on an intuitive (feeling) level.
When assessing my success (however good the pictures look), I wonder if I have accomplished my goals. Social transformation – takes time and is built on many conditions beyond my control (Taylor, 2006). For logistical reasons, I often miss the opportunity to hold the type of discussions that would allow me to hear what the learners feel or think to assess the impact of this work. Shifts in beliefs, actions, and values tend to happen internally, may take time to manifest themselves, and usually cannot be genuinely measured (ibid). Sometimes I see ideas/attitudes shift - which can, in effect, be immensely powerful.
Society at large has also evolved over time. I have witnessed a change in the culture and behaviour within schools - to be more accepting of differences over time. I want to think that my continuing efforts to make that happen have contributed to this change, but one can never be sure. I look for how the learners behave while we work together - if they are engaged, rise to the occasion, and surpass even their own expectations, then I rejoice.
I have a critically reflective practice and continue self consciously peel away internalized values and assumptions that serve to maintain the status quo. Brookfield (2000) sees the goals of critical reflection as recognizing and challenging the ever-present “hegemonic assumptions” we make (pp.40) - and the illumination of power. He explains that we need to examine the lenses we use and be skeptical of the neat theoretical encapsulations of adult education. As a teacher with an emancipatory perspective, I question everything: my methods, values, the social context, my assumptions about the learners, and the inconsistencies and contradictions in my efforts. This internal dialogue occurs even though I need to communicate confidence - convince my administrators and gain the trust of others with whom I am working.
Laying bare how hegemony operates can make people uncomfortable, putting them off balance. It requires a skilful facilitator, and there is a risk that it will not result in the desired outcome. Brookfield warns that even a critically-reflective practice may embrace Eurocentric rationality - that reinforces what it tries to resist. Critical reflection and scholarship have patriarchal values and assumptions at their scaffold, even within the activist community. This work often generates conflict - with the students, the administration, and sometimes with my peers. For this reason, the community connections I have fostered have proven vital in continuing this kind of work.
Despite the evolution of my experience and practice for over twenty-five years, I continue to have more questions than answers. I have come to see the need to consider ever-widening and diverse perspectives. My art-based pedagogy includes honouring other ways of knowing beyond traditional academics. hooks (2010) argues that to get away from the imperialist- white - supremacist- capitalist- patriarchy, we need to decolonize our minds. I am unlearning so much. I look to deconstruct how bias has informed me and society. How I have benefited from this. And how the intersectionality of oppression operates. I want to serve the learners’ interests and wants - which come out of how they interpret their experience. A vast chasm can exist between their interests and critical consciousness. How do I deal with internalized oppression? I often want to shift assumptions - unearthing questions of power and oppression. But as a person of privilege, how do I know what other people should think or believe? I want to honour and affirm the communities I work with, but as an outsider, I dwell in a conflicted space.
FUTURE GOALS
I am challenging myself to be more accountable - to work consciously on the issues at hand - emphasize tangible outcomes and trace how ideas and perspectives change as a result. Bringing changes to the surface will reinforce learning by what [Brazilian emancipatory educator] Paulo Freire calls conscientization.
I am interested in eco-socialism, an idea that encompasses eco-feminism but also addresses the urgent need to dismantle capitalism (Shiva, 2005). “Our economic system and our planetary system are now at war. Or, more accurately, our economy is at war with many forms of life on earth, including human life” Klein (2014). While this is a matter of great interest to me, most of the people I work with are not open to considering these radical ideas. As our society is becoming polarized, I see the need to build bridges and relationships while moving forward and finding solutions to our current crises. This is another chasm. bell hooks writes that education is "the practice of freedom" (2010). The practice of love, says hooks, is the most powerful antidote to the politics of domination (Ibid). After thirty years of meditation on love, and power, hooks concludes that only love transforms our personal relationships and heals the wounds of oppression. As I approach retirement, I work to embody this wisdom as I continue to challenge injustice..
(Photos by micky renders)
I realized long ago that I do my best work when I let go of the outcome of my efforts, keeping my ego in check. This detachment helps me in many ways, as I avoid some of the frustration and disappointment I experienced early in my career. Being a non-linear creative thinker, I don’t believe there is only one outcome to any activity or that I know what that outcome should be. Meditation and mindfulness are practices of letting go of judgment and expectations.
My goal is to be as invisible as possible in this transformation and learning process. Recognition has a relationship with power and privilege (hooks 2015). I hope the people I work with feel in control, receive the attention they want or need, and are acknowledged for their efforts. I have learned to focus on projects based on mutual respect. I infuse and encourage discourse about issues, and let students lead (even if my hand is still there, gently holding theirs.) I work hard in the background so that everything has the best chance of working out well. I accept criticism if there is any. The reward is in the work, and in the relationships established.
Nonetheless, I really appreciate the support I have received over the years, from students, parents, colleagues, and community members.
REFLECTION
My journey of reflection in creating this portfolio will impact my future work. This portfolio offered me an opportunity to consider what I do, what I have done, and what I have learned and to reflect deeply on how my beliefs, intentions, and actions align with each other.
Everyone I have become involved with has inspired or forced me to learn about complex social and environmental issues, pushing for new ways to engage and empower folks at the grassroots level. I operate under the idea that eco-feminist thinking could enhance all our lives. Yet, no role model or community exists to share in this discussion. What I do is experimental, messy, and unpredictable - making it somewhat risky. The media, technologies, and materials I use require research, practice and proficiency. I Love and passion for art-making fuel the experience. I nurture a community of mutual respect, and we work with topics generated by common interests.
I have made many mistakes and am still learning. I often find myself needing more time and resources. These projects go far beyond the scope of my full-time job – but I am grateful to have a good amount of energy and a knack for getting funding. (Luckily I am also resourceful and good at creative problem-solving when I don't have much to work with.) I have discovered the need to be flexible and spontaneous working with people who have experienced a lot of trauma. As an artist and meditator, I work best on an intuitive (feeling) level.
When assessing my success (however good the pictures look), I wonder if I have accomplished my goals. Social transformation – takes time and is built on many conditions beyond my control (Taylor, 2006). For logistical reasons, I often miss the opportunity to hold the type of discussions that would allow me to hear what the learners feel or think to assess the impact of this work. Shifts in beliefs, actions, and values tend to happen internally, may take time to manifest themselves, and usually cannot be genuinely measured (ibid). Sometimes I see ideas/attitudes shift - which can, in effect, be immensely powerful.
Society at large has also evolved over time. I have witnessed a change in the culture and behaviour within schools - to be more accepting of differences over time. I want to think that my continuing efforts to make that happen have contributed to this change, but one can never be sure. I look for how the learners behave while we work together - if they are engaged, rise to the occasion, and surpass even their own expectations, then I rejoice.
I have a critically reflective practice and continue self consciously peel away internalized values and assumptions that serve to maintain the status quo. Brookfield (2000) sees the goals of critical reflection as recognizing and challenging the ever-present “hegemonic assumptions” we make (pp.40) - and the illumination of power. He explains that we need to examine the lenses we use and be skeptical of the neat theoretical encapsulations of adult education. As a teacher with an emancipatory perspective, I question everything: my methods, values, the social context, my assumptions about the learners, and the inconsistencies and contradictions in my efforts. This internal dialogue occurs even though I need to communicate confidence - convince my administrators and gain the trust of others with whom I am working.
Laying bare how hegemony operates can make people uncomfortable, putting them off balance. It requires a skilful facilitator, and there is a risk that it will not result in the desired outcome. Brookfield warns that even a critically-reflective practice may embrace Eurocentric rationality - that reinforces what it tries to resist. Critical reflection and scholarship have patriarchal values and assumptions at their scaffold, even within the activist community. This work often generates conflict - with the students, the administration, and sometimes with my peers. For this reason, the community connections I have fostered have proven vital in continuing this kind of work.
Despite the evolution of my experience and practice for over twenty-five years, I continue to have more questions than answers. I have come to see the need to consider ever-widening and diverse perspectives. My art-based pedagogy includes honouring other ways of knowing beyond traditional academics. hooks (2010) argues that to get away from the imperialist- white - supremacist- capitalist- patriarchy, we need to decolonize our minds. I am unlearning so much. I look to deconstruct how bias has informed me and society. How I have benefited from this. And how the intersectionality of oppression operates. I want to serve the learners’ interests and wants - which come out of how they interpret their experience. A vast chasm can exist between their interests and critical consciousness. How do I deal with internalized oppression? I often want to shift assumptions - unearthing questions of power and oppression. But as a person of privilege, how do I know what other people should think or believe? I want to honour and affirm the communities I work with, but as an outsider, I dwell in a conflicted space.
FUTURE GOALS
I am challenging myself to be more accountable - to work consciously on the issues at hand - emphasize tangible outcomes and trace how ideas and perspectives change as a result. Bringing changes to the surface will reinforce learning by what [Brazilian emancipatory educator] Paulo Freire calls conscientization.
I am interested in eco-socialism, an idea that encompasses eco-feminism but also addresses the urgent need to dismantle capitalism (Shiva, 2005). “Our economic system and our planetary system are now at war. Or, more accurately, our economy is at war with many forms of life on earth, including human life” Klein (2014). While this is a matter of great interest to me, most of the people I work with are not open to considering these radical ideas. As our society is becoming polarized, I see the need to build bridges and relationships while moving forward and finding solutions to our current crises. This is another chasm. bell hooks writes that education is "the practice of freedom" (2010). The practice of love, says hooks, is the most powerful antidote to the politics of domination (Ibid). After thirty years of meditation on love, and power, hooks concludes that only love transforms our personal relationships and heals the wounds of oppression. As I approach retirement, I work to embody this wisdom as I continue to challenge injustice..
